First school, the anger started to boil here and I could not longer hide the frustration and anger. I threw a chair at my headteacher when he told me he was going to exclude from my current school and move me to a different one ( a partner school).

It made the anger worse, it made the frustration worse it made me feel all those words I was called by my father were true just an evil waste of space. The headteacher behaviours reinforced these beliefs instead of challenging and helping the poor little girl that was so desperately dying inside and crying for some love and attention. So well done to that head teacher, you did a great job with me.

Second school, had to make new friends, had to fit in somehow I knew nobody. I managed to find a friend who let’s say was maybe just as rebellious as me, but what I came to realise was I could bite back. I bit back this time and had a fight with this girl (can’t even remember what over) but yes another school, not long had I been there but I actually quite enjoyed the school but one mistake, one argument, one small fight and I lost another school. I remember being told ‘the school were unable to handle my behaviour and I had to realise it was acceptable to fight with people when you have an argument’ well as I child who was psychical and emotionally abused for most of her childhood by her birth father and step mother how would understand you do not hit people if that is normal to me? How am I suppose to change without someone helping me? I guess to isolate me and kick me out of another school will teach me a lesson? It taught me that authoritative members of society were not on my side and I would need to travel in this world alone, doing things my way and not letting anyone in. (The walls went up)

Third school, in this school I struggled to get in apparently I was that naughty nowhere in the whole shire would take me only this school! Wow was I really that bad???? However they would only take me on probation, long story cut short I bunked a few sessions and this was the end of this school as well.

Now as I’m older I’ve realised the importance of an integrated service and how education should be helping empowering those young ones that are abused at home and actually anger is a natural defence mechanism to say something is not quite right so hey someone help me understand where these emotions are coming from. I hope the education systems believes in those naughty children and learns it’s hard for a child who has experienced so much trauma to confirm to the strict education settings and act like our lives is full of roses.

However my fourth school, my four leaf clover!! The reason for calling it that was because they saved me, they saw the light in me and show me that light all through that dark, cold bumpy tunnel until I graduated with qualifications and went onto college to pursue a career just like all my other friends at school. My first interview with the headteacher… ‘his words to me were…I think we can handle you’ I will never forget that headteacher nor will he me, he was a huge credit to that school and the many teachers I had a long the way. That one person who believed in me and gave me courage and strength and wanted to know where this anger came from truly helped me and never gave up even when I tried to push boundaries! I made it three whole years though without an exclusion! To all those amazing teachers at that school you taught me I could be the person I wanted to be instead of many other teachers who told me I would never be nothing. Well I am something, a very strong, intelligent women who suffered a great deal of trauma and carried that on my shoulders for years without support until the right people came into my life and gave me that helping hand we all need.

To all further teachers look past that troubled child and offer them a helping hand. It will never be forgotten.